Monday, January 2, 2017
I Owe It All To You
Words are often my forte. They flow out so quickly. Expressing myself through that is a natural process. The ebb and flow of it all is not something that is difficult for me to do. Even when I have a quick witted reply to a statement, in my head I'm pondering where do I get these things from.
Well it is currently something that I have had trouble with. Words have been slung at me that deeply hurt. Ignoring it is something that everyone can do. What is also a fact is there is a limit to the amount of hate in the form of words that can permeate even the thickest of skins.
What I have learned over the year is if that is all someone can do then I am really truly winning. I've won where I am being heard, seen and I am having an impact. Somewhere someone who is similar to me is able to relate to my shared stories.
"I was shy to be 'me' as I knew the world had profound hatred just as much as love is out there. I was aware of those that looked at me when I had a moment of being truly myself. I knew the back handed compliments that were insults. I was aware of the hate toward me for one thing that I couldn't change about myself."
So I knew. I was sure of it. I've known since a very very young age. My heart was into things that most would laugh at. It wasn't just my sexuality. Dance, theater, color guard and cheerleading. Volleyball and tennis. For some reason it categorized me automatically. My young mind didn't know what that was. People were very mean and cruel to me. It still happens now.
As I aged, matured and experienced the world I learned more. It was time for me to venture out and discover the land. It was made for you and her, right?! So I did just that. What a journey that has been. Oh it has!
What I'm proud of is that I made mistakes, have stories to tell, learned more about myself and survived a hell of a lot more. Strife came and went. My previous husband passed away in my arms. A best friend of 17 years also left too soon. Even my mother passing away...I still think of all of the above. Life made me stronger and I learned a lot about myself. I owe it all to myself.
Anyhow, my point of my story is that I am happy with myself. I love myself. I accept every single facet of me. The quirks and even the flaws. All of them. Now are all of these unique to me, no. Some are, yes. I have a lot in common with many. If you're a friend of mine then you will know exactly what I mean.
Oh and if you believe the last sentence above then leave a comment as to what that brings to mind for you in reference to me. Remember that you are in charge of yourself. You are you. The best of anything is inside you. Stand tall, chin up and forge ahead. I pride myself on always marching to the funky beat of my own drum. Self love, acceptance and surrendering to yourself is how I've succeeded. Maybe it can work for you.