Sunday, April 24, 2016

The Chocolate Mousse Cake

I was in an outdoor garden patio basking in the shade to escape the hot sunny weather. I had on a fabulous outfit from Mr Turk (why that detail?) and sipping Moët & Chandon USA (why that particular drink?) accompanied by a caprese salad. I then noticed a friend of mine at the next garden patio (identical to mine which didn't faze me). I invited my friend over to join me. I had plenty of food and champagne. Well when I changed seats to allow my guest to join me I chose to sit in the rattan throne-like patio chair. Fit for a princess, me! Lmao! (I'm a hoot and a holler. I tell you.) I heard a squish. I felt moisture and then I realized I sat on a chocolate mousse cake....oh no it is going to look like I shat my pants! Oh Bologna I said loudly. 😳 Why hadn't I used profanity at that moment. Who knows!?

(If you know me well and when I lose my composure and decorum that it is a hoot and a holler of a moment. Daddy is having a significant event. His skirt has done fallen off! 😱)

Okay back to the story..... I just sat there and sat there and talked to my friend. What about? I don't know! Who could focus when you have a wet bottom with what looks like shit on your fabulous outfit while sipping and noshing in the shade like the Princess that you are! I had beads of sweat dripping down my neck and luckily it wasn't coming down my forehead. What is Joël going to do!?

My friend wanted to take a selfie and we did, but I remained seated, he leaned over. Don't ask to stand or move!!! We laughed and talked and I had forgotten about my wet shit looking derrière. I either had too much champagne (maybe 😜) or tried really hard to pull it together, suck it in, maintain decorum and composure and sail on through acting like it is all peachy keen, peachy fucken keen. I mean what the.....

So my friend was leading the conversation of getting ready to go. Let's go he kept saying. I gave an excuse that I was going to continue basking in the glorious that was this garden patio we had been seated in during our luncheon. Take it all in. Who am I kidding? I was stalling. Uh uh!

So what did I do? I stood up. Why? I don't know! My ass was now visible, the shit looking stained bottom half of my ensemble was exposed. EXPOSED! There was no hiding it now. You are wondering why the hell I stood up right? I've always been a person to rise out of my seat to bid adieu to everyone. This was no exception or so my brain thought.

At that very moment is when other patrons of the garden patio started to notice my shit looking stained bottom and even my friend....that's the moment I woke up from this dream. Yep, it was all a dream. Goodness it was a weird one.

I had to jot it down!